̶H̶o̶m̶e̶l̶e̶s̶s̶ ̶C̶h̶r̶o̶n̶i̶c̶l̶e̶s̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶T̶a̶m̶p̶a̶ Lost in the Carolinas: #AMWRITING #BLOGGING

What started out as a funny incident related to a very dear and old friend, became a surreal experience as she and I took a fond trip down memory lane. The trip began a few weeks ago, as I was on my way to the grocery store and pharmacy and was trying to wait at the bus stop. I say “trying to wait” because the seats at the actual bus stop have become places where the druggies now congregate, with boom boxes and mini-bars; a sort-of bohemian party-on-the-go, minus the class. This one was particularly obnoxious and I decided I'd had enough of these idiots taking up the citizens' seats, so I discreetly hid behind one of the advertising kiosks placed near the shelter and called the non-emergency phone number for the Tampa Police Department.

Hey! Mr/Ms Policeman! Come and get dem druggies outta my bus stop!

The conversation didn't go very well because my upper denture decided now was the time to come un-stuck in my head, so it went like this: Me: “Herro? I'd like to haf the Powice come and get these dwuggies out of the Bus Sheltew.” Operator: “Can you describe them, please?” Me: Trying to whisper “Werp, they'we dwuggies all spwawled ovew the benches whewe the wegulaw people sit.” Operator: “Can you speak up, please. You're a bit hard to understand, ma'am. Can you describe them for me? What are they wearing? How many are there? Men? Women? What color?" I'm thinkin' "Binch, dey be naked, dere's 50 of 'em. They're troglodytes and purple! I'm tryin' to be discreet here, so they don't beat me to death, binch!"

Just then my upper teeth fall out of my mouth and onto the pavement. Me, having run out of patience by this point and seeing the big, green bus coming, holler into the phone, “Just send a damn squad caw to the cownew of Nebwaska Avenue and Flowibwaska Avenue, m'kay? I have to catch the bus to the Supewmawket!” and hang up the phone, grab my teeth off the sidewalk and run to catch the bus.

This eyesore is easy to see from 12 miles away. Hartline is supposed to keep the bums off the shelter areas, but they haven't the manpower and TPD treats it as a nuisance call. It's still a pain in the ass, though if it's raining or really hot out to seek the shelter that belongs to the patrons.

Later on that afternoon, I call my oldest and dearest friend from high school and tell her all of this nonsense and describe this entire scenario, while I'm laughing. She's laughing too, because the whole situation is funny, although it's really not, because, here we have a bunch of law-breakers draped all over the seats meant for the patrons who are supposed to be able to wait for the bus in comfort; out of the sun or rain and here I am hunched over, like a troll, by this kiosk, while the traffic is screaming up and down Nebraska Avenue, roaring engines, squealing brakes and me, trying to whisper into my cell phone to get these ass-hats, moved AWAY FROM THIS AREA! Calling the cops, to get them arrested, or at best, moved away from this stupid bus stop and I feel like a damned idiot, because my upper plate just fell out of my head and I cannot enunciate properly!

So, my dearest and oldest friend, who has heard all of my stupid stories, from home invasions and me chasing stupid idiots out of my house and being homeless, from my street parkour and broken hip, to my success upon returning to playing. She's been a constant and such a wonderful friend.

Well, after I had described this latest idiocy on my part, I prepared for bed that night. What did I find awaiting me?

ah-hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

I just love this! We used to have the most fun in high school, and when she visited me the summer before last, we were just the same. We're still zany.

This is just the MOST awesome picture ever! She wanted to show me that I wasn't the only schmoe from our graduating class! I musta laughed for 45 damned minutes when I saw this! I still crack up every time I see it.

This picture of course, I would NEVER use without her permission, so I called her today to ask if it was okay if I could use it without naming her. She was of course, fine with it; she is a gracious and generous person, but this also led to more hilarity about pre-PhotoShop pictures.

Somehow we got on the topic of doing your own “edits” once the picture was taken, and I think it stemmed from “Sharpie Lady”, the woman in my 'hood who decided sharpie black and red made great eyebrow pencil and lipstick!

Well, my friend had had a really nice picture taken of herself and her husband at a wedding, and my friend wasn't wearing any lipstick, so she gave herself some lipstick with a sharpie, post-picture-taking and it actually came out pretty well. This got us to reminiscing about the color picture my mom and her family had had taken when my mom was a teenager and it was in COLOR! This was back when my mom was a teenager, in the 1940s and the entire family was seated around the fire-place, with a pet deer(?) for some reason. The only problem was my mom's eyes were shut during the taking of this historic photo, and the photographer, in an attempt to right things, painted my mom's eyes open(!?!?) The effect was pretty startling to say the least. He painted her entire eye blue (at least he got the color right) but as my friend remembers and she remembers right, “It was the most absurd thing I've ever seen!” Let the howls of laughter begin! I am not sure if I still have the picture; I'll have to dig around and see, but my mom used to drag that stupid thing out for laffs. She thought it was a riot! At any rate, it looked something akin to this, googly eyes and all: