Saturday, August 20, 2011

BEDBUG APOCALYPSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHIT FOUND ON SIDEWALK POSTPONED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well... This could be a deep subject and I don't quite know how to start this. I have not posted in a while, since August 6th, I believe. After having gone through some near-death experiences in the last ten years and some very profound life-changing, and other hyphenated-type life-style stuff and seeing a very dim light at the end of this Stygian tunnel, we (read "I") have been thrown a truly horrific foe. A foe of unimaginable, diabolical, hideous existence and other descriptive type words. Just get yourself a batch of bad-sounding, momentous-like words and stuff and apply to this feared enemy. Are you all terrified, yet? 

Me neither. I am however, just sick and tired and kind of depressed. We have a HUGE bedbug infestation here at Happy Acres, in both houses. What a mess! We have toted our stuff out into the back yard, slept on the back porch, toted our stuff back into the houses. We have washed clothes, burnt mattresses, bombed rooms, gassed the furniture, microwaved the rugs, unwoven and re-woven the towels and shower curtains, done Santeria rituals, sacrificed small animals, and performed the Wave. All to no avail. These little bastards are still running around. They have opened up restaurants and are riding the Bus. They buy little bedbug Bus tickets and mock us. We see bedbugs in our dreams, our hair, in the streets, working in Super Markets. This is truly something. They laugh at our feeble attempts to gas them. I think the Ghost Buster Guys are slated to come in tomorrow and try to "exterminate" the little boogers. There are fewer of them. That's the only good thing I can say after several weeks of fighting this scourge. Unreal.

In other Happy Acres news, we have discovered that Alchemy is a Chinese Religion that was founded in the 10th Century. There are several founts of wisdom who are gracing us with their timeless knowledge, profound thoughts and vivacious presences. Other things we have "learned" recently include:

After downloading an Ethernet Card from the Internet, one can download dinner and save time. I understand that the ability to shove paper money directly into one's CD Rom drive will let one deposit money directly into one's bank account. This wonderful time-saver is just around the corner. I can't wait for that app.

God is scheduled to change the rainy times here from 5:00 pm to earlier in the day, so that the "Pimp My Ride Guy" can get home from work without getting wet. This should occur within the next week or so, according to him. Pretty soon, I understand God is going to bring everyone here at Happy Acres a house and a pony. 

I was going to have my eardrums removed so I didn't have to listen to the deranged and cretinous monologues of "Pimp My Ride Guy," but then I talked him into getting his rectum removed so I don't have to listen to his shit anymore. He thought this was a fine idea until I told him what a rectum is. He asked me if he would get to keep his balls. WTF? 

The Black Helicopters have been especially active and they're focusing on these houses. Several drone 'copters have also been sighted over Nebraska Avenue. You can tell them apart because the drones are red. 

Did you know that you can use one of those cheesy fiber optic lamps with the changing hues in Aroma Therapy to enhance the experience? Neither did I. Maybe Lava Lamps would be helpful during Rolfing sessions. 

I've mentioned that I do try to use humor, satire and a wry view point in my postings. Being homeless sucks. It really does. I am working my way back to independence, but will never be able to do the things I used to do and did well. At least, not full time.  There is a horrible stigma regarding being homeless and I am very aware of how "society" judges homeless people generally. We're already disenfranchised and marginalized. Having health problems is hard enough for most of us to accept. I have a hard time accepting the fact that I can't see, can't drive and have a ticking time bomb in my chest. I know I've lost much materially, but I am so, so grateful to be alive. I revel in every day now. I have lived over half my life (please God, I don't want to live to be 111) and I feel such a deep appreciation for this chance to live independently and happily. Life is very, very vivid and very, very precious. Hackneyed as this sounds, it is oh so true. I laugh harder, work harder, and cry harder. I am not one whit closer to understanding the "meaning of it all" and I don't really care. I do care about the things I can do and am determined to experience and do them with all the passion, excellence, energy and wisdom I can bring to bear. Soon, I will be able to start playing my viola again. I can't wait. It's going to suck and be slow going, for probably quite a while. That's okay. It's going to be great to play again, even if it's just for me now.

Anyway, where this whole screed is trying to go is this: I hate like hell when people start knocking the homeless as shiftless, addicted ne'er do wells, that are just sucking the tit of Public Assistance. Like anything, the truth is much more complicated. There are certainly many who do take advantage of the system. There is also tons of waste on the bureaucratic side. The whole thing is bloated and is prone to corruption. But there are many people like me pulling an oar in this boat. Unable to pay half a million dollars for hospitalization and rehabilitation, I was taken under the wing of Hillsborough County. All bills paid. I am one of many in this situation. After thirty-plus years of working hard, I have come to this. Self-esteem and any sense of security are pretty much tattered. 

To that end, I want to acknowledge Mr. Robert Lee Haycock and Ms. Lyn Griswold. Robert was my High School valedictorian and someone I have always had the utmost affection and respect for. After a particularly horrid day of dealing with the system and listening to narrow-minded, self-satisfied people advising,"retraining" (retrain my health?) I was feeling very low. Robert responded to a post I had made, and I can't find the damn quote now, but the fragment, ", and love some more" made in reference to that post was a boost. He's always been encouraging and kind. Robert, thank you and much love to you.

I worked with Lyn for three years in a home-based virtual call center, after I gave up my driving privileges. She has always been there for me and is very encouraging, kind and funny. She has also defended me and understands. Lyn, thank you and much love to you. 

I'll just leave you all with this:

No, wait. I meant this:

Intrepid occupant and very happy here at Happy Acres!

Peace and love, love, love to you all. I'm gonna go love some more. Can't promise "Shit I Found on the Sidewalk" next, but I'll try.
P. S. Check out Robert's blog at

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