Showing posts with label cops. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cops. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

#A-TO-Z CHALLENGE – LETTER “C” - C.O.P.S. - THE MEN AND WOMEN IN BLUE OF DISTRICT 3 – V. M. YBOR



(Uuuh!)
Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do?
Watcha donna do when they come for you?
Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do?
Watcha donna do when they come for you?
Lyrics courtesy:Inner Circle                                         


Thus begins a very popular show and one that has featured our TPD's finest. Letter “C” is for Cops; specifically, our District 3 guys and gals in blue, who patrol Nebraska Ave. I can't speak for any other districts' practices, but these guys (and gals) know us, and we tend to meet up with them at shift change in various pre-arranged spots, a few times a month, either at their swing-shift change, around 3 p.m., or in the morning at 7 a.m., for the day-watch change (not me, I'm a night owl), and I know most of the grave-yard shift who float through here like ghosts, and where they tend to lurk in the shadows, the better to see the trouble spots.
courtesy:tbo.com
Police of District 3 during a shift-change.
When I lived at the homeless shelter across Nebraska Ave., I got to know them even better, as various pairs of officers would show up once or twice, or even twelve times a day to mediate various squabbles, fights, or differences among the residents of the two houses. The number of residents in both houses fluctuated wildly and some weeks would see as few as 25 people in residence, while others would see as many as 80 people packed in. The reason the owners could get away with housing so many people at one time, is they held a hotelier's license at the time, which didn't have a cap on the number of people they could cram into one of these houses. This has actually been changed and there is no longer the situation where some rooms accommodated nine people.
The higher the number of people, the higher the tensions and the more arguments that led to violence would occur. The fact that people had access to hard drugs and many drank almost constantly brought with it the inherent lack of judgment that chemical dependency always causes. If we, or the so-called “enforcers” who lived in the houses with us couldn't control a situation, the police would be called. Or if someone became so injured, medical attention was required, then again, the TPD would have to get involved. We used to laugh and say, “let's tear down the church next door and build the TPD/Fire-Rescue/Tampa General Hospital Annex and save time!” It seemed like someone was always bleeding.
Ya had to stay sober and on your toes to survive and be a hell of a lot smarter than everyone else, and I developed a real talent for that, in a hurry. I also learned to be agressive, but that's another story.
People also called the poor police for some of the dumbest shit imaginable. One of my roomies thought she was the queen bee of the whole shelter and she wanted to “run” the kitchen. She was this little troll of a woman, about 4' 8'' tall and had a mouth like a sailor. We always did our own dishes and/or put them in the dishwasher or wiped them and put them away, except for this one idiot, who was from Chad, and acted like he was some kinda Prince, or something.
courtesy:tbo.com
For some peculiar reason, District 3 has the honor of having an Arts and Events department, which none of the other Districts possess. Possibly because both the Downtown and Ybor Arts districts fall under District 3. Or, it may just be this is where all the original cats come to live and work.
He worked out and was about 6' 5'' of pure muscle and he never really talked to you; he just grunted at you. I'd say “Hi, Eli!” and he'd go, “Fnf!” and that was the extent of our conversation. Well, when Eli cooked, he NEVER did his dishes. He just left them in the sink for some lesser being to do them. My roomie used to yell and holler and cuss at him for not doing his dishes, and threaten to put his dirty dishes in his bed. Finally, she did just that and yelled “Eli, for the last time, do your “F*ing dishes!”
So, Eli called the cops. And here they came. Completely mystified. They'd already been out there. It was a rough Friday. There'd been a stabbing out in the back yard, and someone else got beaned with a brick and they both were hauled off to TGH, and now... this? I'm sure the TPD had had a belly full of the whole lot of us.
When they showed up, all of us'ns who'd been sitting on the front porch scattered and hid, but hung around close enough so we could hear what kind of dressing-down was going to come from on high. The cops stood there in disbelief. They looked at great big Eli and little, teeny troll woman and said, “Who called us?” Eli said “Fnf, I did. She said a swear at me,” while pointing his thumb at the troll. The troll puffed up and said, “Well, he won't do his f*in' dishes!” The police, a man and a woman just goggled at them, then looked at one another, then back at these two idiots. The lady cop pointed at Eli and said, “YOU! Do your dishes!” The gentleman cop pointed at the troll and said “And YOU! Stop swearing!”
They turned to leave and they could hear all of us rustling around in the curtains and they both said, “And you ALL need to BEHAVE yourselves, or we'll come back and burn this place down with you in it! Have a good night!” They waved at us cheerily and left.
Officer Fair and Officer Margaret are still around, along with Lt. Williams – my night owl buddy. Lt. Williams and I have teamed up on a couple of “capers”, the most recent one being, where I stand there in the road and watch his car, to make sure no one steals it, while he investigates the “gunshots fired call” that I called in ten minutes before. He runs back and forth to give me an update, and we're pretty sure it's just kids playing in some back yard. There have been no real gang wars, or shootings in a while.
courtesy:tbo.com
Police from all districts and one of the local radio stations film their version of "Harlem Shake". When I worked for the Gastonia, NC Police Department, I noticed a lot of "hams" working there. We had a town showcase that coincided with a NASCAR race in Charlotte and the cops were fighting over who got to ride in the NASCAR car and who got to be in the commercials. It was a lot of fun watching them sqabble over "kid" stuff and just have fun. The police here are terrific, just as the ones in Gastonia are and I salute them for a job well done!
Our previous caper involved getting two elderly “señors”, if not off a deserted house's porch, at least a couple of blankets, so they didn't freeze overnight. I got a lot of updates on that, too, as Lt. Williams would run to the house, talk to the them, run back to me and say, “I'm gonna go lecture them a little more about sleeping outside in cold weather...” Obviously, Lt. Williams cares about the people out here and is keen on keeping everyone informed. He's probably my favorite officer.
There is an older Sergeant who refuses to go to the "barn" or onto a desk and should have done so long ago. But, he is such a fine street cop, no one messes with him. He runs up and down Nebraska Ave. in his prowl car and is known as “The Batman” and everyone knows him. A sighting of him is cause to squeal, like we saw one of the "Beatles", or some shit and he can diffuse a bad situation in a heartbeat. He'll probably “retire” behind the wheel of that damned car.
Unlike other places and Ferguson comes to mind, Tampa is blessedly free of unjustified cop shootings and the police know the people on their beats. They make it a point to work alongside and with the people and develop their CIs or Confidential Informants, carefully and over time and with as much trust as they can. The FBI is also a large presence here, but at times they do more harm than good, and the TPD is very aware that they need to have information from the local populace, because the FBI will compromise a CI just to keep him going, and the CI is still out there committing crimes. It's frustrating for the TPD and they will only allow that for so long, before they'll step in for the good of the 'hood. It's just too dangerous.
One little socio-path had warrants and the FBI took them off the table. Then, he was caught on tape committing Grand Theft. Everyone knew he was going to blow it, so away he went. The Citizenry (i.e. me and several others) stepped in by starting a crowdfunding Campaign so that the victim could miss time from work and still get paid. The CI kept trying to delay and delay his trial, knowing he was caught dead to rights and in hopes the victim would not be able to afford time off work. We garnered enough money through our crowdfunding Campaign, so the victim could could say "sure, no problem, I can take that day off, too!" Group efforts always pay off like that. Our District 3 cops won, we won, and too bad the FBI lost their source, but they were probably being fed a pack of lies anyway.
These are also the District Cops who were doing a little dancing on the day of the messy accident in the intersection of MLK and Nebraska Ave. I couldn't swear to it, but there were four of them and there was at the VERY LEAST some synchronized hand and foot movements going on, as the four officers directed traffic. Why? 'Cause Nebraska Avenue!

Sunday, December 30, 2012

#ROW 80 POST 43 – SUNDAY CHECK-IN – TRUTHINESS IN ADVERTISING



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I am pleased  and proud to announce that I will be hosting Jade Kerrion's Double Helix Tour on Wednesday, January 2, 2013! She is a wonderful writer and just a wonderful person. To celebrate the launch of Perfect Betrayal and Perfect Weapon, Perfection Unleashed will be available for only 0.99 at Amazon, (down from $2.99) for the duration of Jade's virtual book tour through March 1, 2013. Her writing is thrilling and I think, prophetic in many ways.

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I know that ROW 80 is on hiatus. I also know that I posted #44 yesterday, so yeah, I apparently can’t count. I’m trying to knock off the hard-wired anality that is me. I know that I pretty much ditched the last half of it too, due to “illness.” If Wayne Borean wants me to bring a note from home, I’ll channel Mom and see if she’s willing to provide. She should be, since she follows me around and has been busy fucking up every single clock in my house all these years, except for when I was homeless. I can’t blame her there, I wouldn’t have followed me, either, had I a choice. Ma can’t even provide a decent haunting; she just louses up all my clocks so that nary a one tells the same time. The least she can do is provide a note to the headmaster telling him I’m batshit insane and here the analogy just ran off the road.

Well, I wanted to bitch about advertising anyway. The kind that is on TV. I actually avoided “TV” for quite a while and had a good streak going there. We kind of got around it with HULU and DVDs and I didn’t have to watch 35 episodes of “Walker, Texas Ranger” in a row, or "COPS" which has become unintentionally hilarious, due to the fact that every time it’s from Tampa or Hillsborough County we recognize both the miscreant and the law enforcement officer. If we still drank, it’d be a hella drinking game. Take a drink every time you recognize Officer Friendly and his playmate, Quandarious Hammond!

I’m okay with this and JC can watch the things he likes; besides "Walker" and "COPS," he enjoys the Animal Planet and "Criminal Minds" and "NCIS". All cool stuff and the last two are shows that won’t kill off any more of my brain cells, but My God and all that is Holy! The fucking advertisers are horrible! The tag lines alone are an insult to anyone with an IQ over 12. To wit:

Some woman facing the camera bellows, “Women! We have to get real about what goes on in the bathroom!” Oh. Really? What was I doing before? Was pooping into a little hole a trip to Fantasy Island? What the fuck? Never mind dealing with toilet paper and wrapping up sanitary napkins or tampons or all of that hoo-ha when we menstruated, for those of  us who are of the distaff nature. Thank god that Acid Trip is over. Please, Mrs. Spokes person, tell me how I can make my bathroom experience “real.” Should I have been wiping my ass with my toothbrush? No? Maybe I should put my deodorant on my ass? No? Maybe a little mascara, since I’m too stupid to know that I’ve just been unreal in the bathroom all these years. Then, this dim-bulb woman goes on to say, “I like to feel clean, really clean.” Not ME! I want to run outside and roll around in the mud after I go to the john! Thanks, Quilted Northern Ass-Wipe for making women sound stupider than ever.

If I had some Internet Darts...

Would someone please, please, please tell Gallagher to stop that shit. It’s not funny in 2012. It will not be funny in 2013. It wasn’t funny in 1987 or whenever he last plagued my existence. My best friend at the University of Michigan was a total Gallagher fan and I wasn’t. What we do for friends is hard to believe; I’m no saint and I’d do it for her again; Cynthia I miss you. God rest your soul.


Not. Funny. Ever. Ever. Give Geico a refund.

There’s a kind of commercial that is supposed to be “sophisticated.” Walker 46 shows a glass of whiskey and plays this cool-cat kind of music on the piano, with snare drum and rim-shot. Very cool. Very grown-up in a 1964 kind of way. Unfortunately, I remember those mornings after my parents had those parties and the living room smelled like cheap cigars and farts, so the urban suavity and cool sophistication is kind of lost on me. That’s what that music reminds me of.

Cigar ashes, farts, regret and hangovers. Sophistication, yeah...

CDW and Charles Barkley. These have to be the most hilarious, knowing and dead-on commercials in the history of. CDW has the client mentality down, certainly, after years of dealing with, well, clients. Charles Barkley and the fat, little red-haired dude, who is the caddy are hilarious. Charles took golf lessons and is still, bar none, the worst golfer in the world. He knows it and is okay with it. I idolize Charles Barkley. He doesn’t care that he’s that horrible. When he says “So you my caddy, blah blah” and caddy replies “you have a bunker to the left of you, a bunker to the right of you… remember, this is Client golf” and hands Charles an iron the size of his head, I crack up every time. Charles just looks at it. Great stuff.


I wonder if that club is a Mac?

So, general adverts are still in the main, horrid. People are still being paid to write shit and talk down to their audiences, and trying to make us want crap we don’t need. Some things never change.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

THINGS BETTER LEFT UNSAID?


ROW80 DAY 5 - THINGS BETTER LEFT UNSAID?


Over the years, I have become more outspoken, particularly when it comes to voicing an opinion involving someone bullying a weaker, smaller being. I cultivated this virtue along with what some would see as the vice of just being well, outspoken. I don't seem to have developed much of a governor with the forthrightness. Some may find it offensive. Others say it's refreshing. Others say I'm deranged. I think it's amusing.


I had not even begun to develop these traits when I really hit bottom in September of 2010. Malnourished, bruised, broken bones, unable to walk and blind (well, I was already blind and this predicament is for another telling; the list grows) I was taken to TGH by DCF, where I stayed for 5 weeks. I spent another 5 weeks in a physical rehabilitation center, doing fly-bys on the cafeteria. As I was using a walker, we had slow-speed chases through the halls. The kitchen workers were half-assed in their attampts to recover the stolen goods; I weighed less than 90 pounds. But I digress.


Without saying too much more; I allowed myself to be put in that position. Through a combination of mild outlook and a vague feeling that I would always be rewarded in kind, I held my tongue and my temper. Not a good thing to do. With few exceptions, I never stood up for myself, or anyone else. I can't blame my parents; I had one who was complacent and one who was outspoken to the point of offensiveness, at times. No. What I was, was scared. The stupid thing? I've never been physically scared. I'll take anyone on and have. But verbal engagement? I'm looking for a closet to hide in.


I got over that shit after I almost died. I don't want this to be all serious, because it isn't. I go for the jugular verbally, if the situation is right. I used to do it regularly at Happy Acres. It wasn't fair there, because 1) I think I have a few more operative brain cells than my combatants and 2) I have a few more words at my fingertips.


Some of you may recall the famous, well semi-known story of Mr. C, who is 6' tall. Mr. C, to be fair to him, resembles a golem, only without the manners. He called the cops on D. She is 4'11". D, to be fair to her, resembles a garden gnome on crack, with bad skin. Mr. C called the police on D for calling him a "fucking asshole." The cops, who were well-used to "visits" to HA asked why D would call Mr. C a "swear." D said, "cause he won't do his fuckin' dishes." The cops looked at them both, incredulous. H and I were rolling around on the front porch in mirth over this shit. The cops pointed at Mr. C. "you, do your dishes." They pointed at D. "you, stop swearing." And, they left.


A few days later, H was cooking in the kitchen. Mr. C comes in and says to her, "I wish for counter space." She looks at him and says, "Bite me." He says "I do not wish to bite you, I wish for counter space." I almost fell into the sink. 


Mr. C's adventures continue. A day or so later, I was standing at the foot of the stairs in our house, talking to H and D. Mr. C comes up behind me. I know it's him. I can sense his golemness behind me. Snort. Mr. C never talked. He snorted. Snort. Impatient snort. Then, "...Move!" No "Excuse me, Pardon me, Do you mind?" I jumped and yipped. It scared me. He passed by. I said,"You could warn a person, Dumb Shit! Now, are you going to call the police, or should I call 'em myself to save time?!?"


Hilarity ensued in that hall. Mr C had a "reputation." As what, I've never quite established. He's from the Congo, or maybe it's Pluto. It's hard to tell. He golfs. I used to see him get on the Number 2 Nebraska Avenue Bus with his clubs wearing his stupid garish golf clothes and cleats, minus the hat with the puffy ball. Picture that among the 'bangers with their tats and hoes. 


He may have been trying to channel Snoop Dog, but the Dawg is way cooler. Dawg doesn't have the Mental thing going on. Besides, golf and Municipal Bus Line don't mix. The biggest gut-buster of this whole thing? The first time H and I saw him with the clubs, at different times I might add, she asked "so, are you going to club yourself about the head and shoulders with those?" and, later I asked Mr. C, "oh, off to commit mass murder today, are you?" Later, when we compared notes, I thought I was going to have to buy a truss. 


This post probably falls under number 17. A catastrophe now makes a good story later. Only this is a slow-moving one. Fo' shizzle.