#ROW 80 POST 44 – WE ARE YOUNG AND HAVIN’ FUN 2012

"We Are Young"  fun. Official Video

Sorry PSY; I love you and Berklee College should be proud, but fun. rules!

The title says it all. This post is about all of the stuff in 2012 that made me laugh. When I laugh, I feel young. And dammit, I love to laugh; it is the best high, the best drug in the world and I love to share it with people. I don’t care how stupid it is; I laugh at a lot of stupid stuff and myself as well. When I lived at FSJ, homeless shelter, there were a few of us who laughed all the time, at, well the expense of others… but they didn’t know they were being laughed at, so it was okay… sort of. Anyway, moving on, here’s some of the funny shit of 2012, in no particular order; stuff that made me laugh and I want you to all laugh too:

1)         http://www.theworld4realz.com/cotton-swab-causes-emergency-room-visit/

I’ve tried to tell you why this is one of the most serious funny pieces I’ve ever read, but I can’t stop laughing long enough. The dialog between Andi-Roo and her Hubz, talking to Andi-Roo’s mom, the dawning horror of Andi-Roo when she realizes what the nurse really means by “safe at home,” and it’s not big shards of glass on the floor or cleaning her ears with a knife, or the “dumb-ish” nurse, the whole piece is flat-out hysterical, even on like the 5^th reading.

I've heard the adjective "fearless" applied to ol' Nic here. Maybe he should get some. Fear, I mean.

2)         Is actually a post I can’t find, but it has this very boffo picture of Nic Cage in bear suit in “Wicker Man,” a remake of the 1973 “classic.” I do have the picture and I’ve posted it here for you to enjoy, but back to Nic; I never saw either of the “Wicker Man” movies; the older is supposedly classic, but I hear the newer one sucks out loud. I ran across this picture in a “Worst Movie of…” on Cracked.com. There are not enough superlatives to describe what I felt upon seeing this picture. Feel free to supply your own.

*Burp* I wonder if I have Briefcase-Breath?

3)         Lion Drome. I actually thought JC was going to have to take me to the hospital for this. I literally stopped breathing during this awesome post on Cracked.com by Robert Brockway. Having “PD or non-PD, that is the question,” for some reason, also causes me to laugh harder and cry harder and to call Mr. Brockway, “Bwockway” for some reason. I hope he has gotten over that. I bought his book, too. Eventually, I may be able to read it. If my eyes ever settle down. In March. In the meantime, check out this “Executive Lion,” or better yet, read his whole post @ 

http://www.cracked.com/blog/15-old-photographs-that-prove-world-used-to-be-insane/ and a tip of the hat to Mr. Robert Bwockway, who has provided me with hours of hysteria and apoplexy. Enough clap for him and on with our merriment.

4)         This is something that I ran across in our freebie newspaper that comes out 5 days a week, the Tampa Bay Times. It’s called the “Zim Bear.” The link connects to the whole post and the post itself is interesting for a couple of reasons. I wrote it during a very brief period of lucidity, when I was writing my S.I.F.O.T.S. blog, on March 2, 2012. It’s actually kind of hilarious, in hindsight, now. February 29^th, 2012, I wrote, “Chthulhu Doesn’t Live Here Anymore,” which was wishful thinking on my part. He lives here part-time now. I just collect the mail and water his plants. I really should write a follow up post, “Chthulhu, is that Yhouhlhu?” but I so confused myself just trying to type that, I think I’ll leave that moment of whimsy alone.

So, the rest of THAT month is pretty sketchy and some of this I don’t remember, but this is when the tremors moved in and stayed, along with my bipolar symptoms, for real. If I weren’t so damned rational and old, I’d probably have jumped off the roof. The fact that I understand what is going on, makes all of the weirdness pretty easy to deal with. That and the hella medicines my psychiatrist makes sure I get. The Tampa Police Department are good to me as well. “PD or non-PD, THAT is the question?”

5)         Oh! Speaking of. @YumaBev. I cannot have a list of hilarity without the Numero Uno funniest lady on the planet! Funny was still abed when she got up. Over at Parkinson’s Humor, I couldn’t believe it when she was trying to figure out a way to live blog her DBS surgery! Yup! That’s our girl! Only Bev would come up with that corker! A crappy day won’t dare show it’s face around her! I laugh just thinking about her. YumaBev is one of those people that when you think of her, you’re glad to be a member of the human race; she’s that great. Without her and others like her, Jim and Penny Adams, Cyndee Bowen, and P.A.N.D.A., all  tireless workers, their grace and insights, it would be so hard for anyone with Parkinson’s or any Movement Disorder to understand and deal with and try to navigate any of the medical care systems and understand more importantly, the symptoms. Bev and her (now mine, too) buddies are reassuring, and fun. Back to more fun.

 Check out Bev's websites Parkinson's Humor and YumaBev.com and @YumaBev on Twitter. Her book Parkinson's Humor is available on Amazon.com and the proceeds go towards a cure for the disease. A worthier woman and a dearer one to my heart, would be hard to find in this hemisphere.

6)         Spiders. Yeah, I know. Most of the world (of 15 readers?) just jumped off my blog, ¼ of you went ewww!. The rest of us went, SQUEE!! It depends on the type of spider. Nikki McCormack wrote about them and started with the cute little fuzzy type of jumpers and I can’t believe anyone thinks those are icky or scary. We have a batch of them that live on our porch banister and they have their little territories staked out. Once in a while, they bump into one another and jump! Turn and dart off, very synchronized. I think they’re cute as hell. They stay outside and don’t intrude on anyone else’s space. I loved Nikki’s description of Harvester spiders; something about walking death, as I recall.

We did have an interloper; a brown recluse got in the house, when we were living in the homeless shelter. JC got him, we were moving anyway; that was just a little added incentive. We had already been dealing with bedbugs. We didn’t need rotting flesh on top of that.

Anyway, check out the world’s funniest video on why not to film a jumping spider:

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/a2ab701e7e/why-not-to-film-a-spider

7)         So, this gets us to the 2012 Presidential election, with all the signs, portents and many important issues and timely questions and serious discussions. The tone was pretty well set by the world's largest and continuous, party, Twitter. I thought that after 2000, the election was an aberration, because it took a month. It turned out I was wrong. The election of 2012, according to who you listened to, was a continual ongoing work of art, a Noh drama, bushido in style, or a train-wreck. Romney, Ryan, Rovian and nothing less than epic. The fact that Hurricane Sandy intervened and Governor Chris Christie got to play Orestes to Romney's Agemnon made it all the more epic-er!

What made it so extra-fun was being IN Twitter and reading and sometimes even trying to come up with witticisms in reaction to the shit that one Mitt Romney was saying, however, our fearless leader, President Obama was holding his own, and Mr. Chuck Wendig an awesome, awesome writer, who blogs "Terrible Minds" was also adding to the hilarity with his #fakedebate; once again, JC was at the ready, poised to dial 911, when I came up for air:

I can honestly say that I have never, ever enjoyed political discourse so much. I am sure that Mark Twain, H.L. Mencken et. al,, would agree.

8)         Winding this up, I thought I’d include one of my own idiocies. I come from a family that celebrates its idiocies, much in the way Rome allowed her generals to celebrate victories with triumphs. The only dilemma here is which of my many stupidities garners the honor.

Could it be the time I followed myself on my own blog? That was a good one, but wasn’t really all that complicated and didn’t require the level of air-headedness or denseness necessary, nor the prolonged state of confusion I typically exhibit.

How about the time I “rebutted”  Andi-Roo on a #ROW80 post about Suicide and then, in a swift, rapier-like and extremely cunning move, worthy of Errol Flynn and Dr. No, I submitted MY post title, with HER verbiage, so SHE rebutted HERSELF? The editor, Wayne Borean was probably swamped; knows us both and just went with it. The twin posts festered around on the internet and on Paper.li for a few hours before I caught the error and fixed it. A huge MEA CULPA followed and lots of falling on my cyber-sword. Andi-Roo, was vastly amused, as I knew she would be. Thanks Zeus for that wonderful woman. Had it been anyone else, I would have had to change my name and move to Neptune. That’s not really quite showy enough. I could go back and scratch around in my old blog posts and what not, but I’m just too damned lazy.

This stupid Parkinson’s Disease, not-Parkinson’s Disease, that is the question leaves me tie-rd. I sleep 11 or 12 hours a night sometimes. I got up today around noon. Ate breakfast, took vitamins and I’m ready for a nap. I digress. PD, or non-PD seems to be a lot like the elephant in the room. I keep wanting to pretend that everything is the same, but my damned brain will not allow for that.

So, I’ve got what seems to be a perpetual geek show in my head. Everything is weird. “Chthulhu is that Yhoulhu?” should be a sit-com in my head. Anyway, the last thing that I did that counts for a stellar idiocy that had me laughing for a while, was this doozy:

This is what happens when I cook

Now, to top it off, yesterday, when I was getting off the bus at the grocery store, this topped it off. There was a little round woman, very jolly, a sort of Mrs. Claus type, saying “God Bless,” to one and all as they exited. I, as everyone knows, am a hardwired creature, like a cat. I do the same thing, every time. I get up, cane and all and brace myself for the next stop. I don’t like to stand in one place too long. I prefer to be a moving target, as it were. She says something about me not falling, or am I okay, or am I really blind and I hear her say “Or is that your hustle?” It didn’t register for a minute. I stood there, with a blank look, so she repeated herself. I grinned and said, “It’s 3 things; it makes a good weapon, too.” We both laughed, as I got off the bus. That shit cracked me up.

I know I haven't blogged for a few weeks. I've been deliberately lying low, due to my neurological whatever, which is a bore, but there it is. I am pleased  and proud to announce that I will be hosting Jade Kerrion's Double Helix Tour on Wednesday, January 2, 2013! She is a wonderful writer and just a wonderful person. To celebrate the launch of Perfect Betrayal and Perfect Weapon, Perfection Unleashed will be available for only 0.99 at Amazon, (down from $2.99) for the duration of Jade's virtual book tour through March 1, 2013. Her writing is thrilling and I think, prophetic in many ways.

ROW 80 4th QUARTER POST 8 – TECHNO FUSIONS

I suppose it wouldn’t be overstating the situation if I were to mention that my life is a tad, er, unscheduled. By this, I mean, my life’s great arc, whatever that was, has since been forgotten in the fog of history; much like Churchill, not that I presume to compare my life to be anything like his. Other than the fact that we share the red hair and blue eyes, he hailed from south of the Scottish border and had an American mother, whereas my parents held no fealty to Britain or America. I also didn't get the brilliance with the English language, both written and oral adroitness, the Admiralty, or to be friends with FDR. On the plus side, I didn't get Gallipoli, the Exchequer mess, or Uncle Joe to try and keep out of Central Europe after WW II, either.

No, by this time, I had planned to be playing out my “golden years” in some middling symphony or scratching around in some orchestra or another, probably dueling it out for 12^th chair viola, with some hack kid or another. Gah! Instead, I had a rather, um, glorious 2 careers, albeit, kind of ad-hoc, thrown together, symphonic at times; big roaring orchestras, interspersed with smaller chamber orchestras, lots of quartet work, and patched together a living. Because I didn’t graduate from Curtis or Julliard, and never won a top-drawer spot in an orchestra, as the musical cultural landscape in America and Europe changed, even a very, very good section player was finding it hard to make a living doing, while I was young. But, I was damned if I was going to teach music in public schools; I didn’t even get my certificate in college, I so didn’t want to teach. If I couldn’t play, I’d starve.

I hate the philosophy. It’s not inspiring. It’s about numbers. Teachers don’t teach; they ceased to do that back when I was in high school. The last really good high school music teacher I had was a Percussionist from the San Francisco Symphony named Michael Wells. He taught us Orchestra and Music Theory, with a healthy dose of passion. He used to tell me, “You don’t know how great you are as a musician. Just get off your duff. Practice!” He’d get so frustrated. He died at the age of 37, in 1980. The public music program had dwindled to the point where he was forced to teach history and he hated it. Enough. This post is not about that.

I’m jumping tracks right here, right now and I apologize; I know it’s jarring. This is my blog and anyone who has read me knows that I married another violist whom I met on a JOB who thought that The  Magic Viola Fairy would come along after we wed and turn me into the Magic Flautist and we would Live Happily Ever After, because he couldn’t stand the competition. Imagine his surprise and the conflict in the house when that routine operation didn’t take place? Yeah, me too.

Anyway, I went back to school and majored in the closest thing possible to Viola Performance, so I could get another degree and get the fuck away from this fucktard ASAP; Computer Science. Yeah, I’ve always been known for my A to B thinking. Imagine my surprise when I started taking those stupid Algebra and Calculus and Trigonometry classes and enjoyed them. I loved the logic and the structure of the computer systems. At last! Something I really could make sense out of. Cool, neat stuff. It’s either on, or it’s off. Frightening, that! None of this it’s kind of this, it’s sort of that.

One thing I’ve always been baffled by, is how people negotiate in relationships; it’s taken me a long, long time to get that right. I mean that sincerely. I’ve had over 50 years to try and figure that out. I was always the nerdy kid who just couldn’t get it right. I tried everything. I always thought I was geeky and I am, but people tell me I’m pretty and I could trade on that. It’s not nearly enough; it never gets to the heart of anything. It’s not me; it’s not you. It really is just a shell. I’m not a shell. You’re not just a simulacrum. We’re solid beings, even on the screen. That’s where the virtual becomes real for me. That’s the beautiful intersection between math, sound, music, flesh and blood for me.

This didn’t start out to be serious; what I was going to tell you about was the stupid, silly stuff I do. Even after I worked at IBM and Verizon and did all the playing and tearing around and lived and had glorious times, I’m still having fun and meeting wonderful people. I write and live by the seat of my pants. My idiocies seem to all involve computer-related gaffes now. The latest? I bought 2 of The World 4 Realz Gangnam posters and I don’t care. What happened was this: I have Amazon Prime. In an attempt to save money, I tried to cancel 1 purchase because it charged for shipping and ended up with a 2^nd, so now I have 2 galloping blue guys. Yeah, I know. Ms. wanna-be Chloe O’Brian (complete with the lovely personality,) who adores Techno-Porn and EMP Hoo Ha. One of my own very favorite scenes in "24" is in Season 4, if I remember right, but involves the melt-down of every single system and screen in CTU. 

In actuality? Not so fun, when networks crash and pissed-off engineers and secretaries are hollering and the call queue is escalating. It was about that time, I decided my services were better used in Imaginary Think-Land and Development on the road, before playing gigs. I had bosses who believed my bullshit and gave me their blessings and sent me on my happy way. I'm pretty adroit with operating systems and networking but seem to suck with buttons and software that changes curtains and furniture every 5 minutes. Now, I have 2 of these blue posters sitting here… And?

I. Don’t. Care.

Neither. Does. JC. We have a 2^nd galloping blue guy for a present for the "Silly Dad Names Blog Now With Added Moms." Cool.

According to a statistic, since "Gangnam Style" has been out, less than 1/2 a year, we've listened to more than 2,100 years of it. Jesus has been dead longer. Think about that for a moment. I think I’ll sit here and listen for a bit. Gangnam Style… 

GAGNAM STYLE?