#ThrowbackThursdays - #ROW80 - Artwork For Sale (Ha Ha)

I posted this four years ago today and when it popped up in my Facebook feed I was delighted, because I remember how damned silly it was and I'm all for silly. I've done nothing but brood and carp over Trump and it ends NOW. I'm getting back to my fun, 100% fact-free posts and getting in shape for the A-to-Z Challenge that begins April 1, 2017 and in keeping with last year's theme, I'm going to continue to write about all of the hoo-ha that goes on around here on the Avenue. Nebraska Avenue, that is. There's just too much “specialness” going on to not take advantage of the human condition or the everyday idiocies I see, and boy howdy, there are a butt-ton of 'em, whatever a butt-ton is.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy my little journey into the Visual Arts. My dear friend, YumaBev, or Bev Mittan-Ribaudo, who has Parkinson's Disease, is an actual, real-live, award-winning photographer, along with her Wonderful Husband. Just think of me as the anti-Bev. And, oh, yeah, I got those e. t. blues treated and am playing up a storm on the viola.

The trip to Japan was a smashing success in that I came back alive and Japan is still standing! I'll have more posts and tons of pictures to write about; I've just been busy unsnarling my life, since my phone never left Florida, along with my mind, apparently. I've been spending the time getting playing, practicing and caught up with doctor's appointments and untangling the fine mess that my bank made when they canceled my card 3 weeks early, because it wasn't a “chip” card. All is well and my financial status is good. Sheesh! Anyway, enjoy this little post that I originally wrote for #ROW80, four years ago today!

This is not just any artwork. This is artwork of the finest photography taken by my ever-shaking hand. Call me the anti-YumaBev. In terms of clarity, form and content. This here is some murky stuff. Just take a ramble through some of my fine pictures:

Jim and cat napping. If you look in the left 1/3 of the picture, you can imagine two white paws, very restful. Price: free.

See, I helpfully pointed them out. This is free also, should you wish to possess it. Actually, just copy the damn thing.

Animals make cute subjects for photographers, since I am not one, I find them to be a singular pain in the ass to try and take pictures of, yet I persist. This is what happened, when I was testing my new camcorder one night, which also has no night filter, and lent that extra-special dimension of creepiness we all hope for when we're taking pictures of the family doing family things about the house. . . alone. . . and in the dark.

I think I had some artsy-fartsy idea of seeing the cat through a victorian era lamp, but what I've appeared to have captured is some Lovecraftian "Colour Out of Space" horror that resides in our living room. Best call out Chthulu from under the kitchen sink. He's been napping far too long anyway. He needs to go on va-cay. Price: I give you Skittles to take this off my hands.

Before I took the famous picture of Mama kitty napping with Jim, I had to test the camcorder to see if it was photo-graphing or if it was taking moving pictures. Since I don't see well in the dark (or the light for that matter) it was highly necessary to stand in the kitchen and press several buttons at once on a device about which I knew nothing. (Gee, Mary, couldya have gone in the bathroom, shut the door and turned on a light? What? And ruin all this fine art and fun!) This is what we referred to as "learning" when I went to school to become a computer engineer. We had these things called "books" but hardly ever read them. This was a much more fun way to learn and also un-learn the messes we made that were referred to as "programs."

Anyway, I discovered the proper sequence for producing still photographs after many stops and starts and some amazingly amazing non-action sequences of my stove-top. Of course, I couldn't be bothered to turn on the light, because, eyes and I didn't want to wake the little darlings snuggling in the next room.

Bonus points for my finger in the lower right. Price: Let's haggle.

I haven't even gotten around to the videos yet. YouTube pisses me off. Every time I upload one, they say, "this seems a bit shaky, do you want us to fix it?" What, and ruin my great art? How do you know that's not part of my artistic statement on the world, YouTube?

Here's a picture I took of Mama and then I kind of morphed it with Pic Monkey. She was all sprawled out on the bed, happy as a clam.

It was too blurred, so I filtered it, and removed most of the shadows. She loves to sleep like this.

The only other pictures I've ever taken that were worth a damn was the one down below of her on my blog and some of my viola and the one I took of the house down the street. I'm no photographer, but it sure is fun taking pictures and I'll have more of my "artwork" on display during the A-to-Z Challenge, 2017!

BEGINNING 09/23/2013 - PERFECTION CHALLENGED BOOK PROMOTION

There are some reasons I have this picture of the beautiful Jade Kerrion and her books where I would normally display #ROW80. First, there's no #ROW80 going on, although when I first started #ROW80, I just kept on going. Second, when I uploaded the HTML code, for the images you see to the right there, I found this peculiar box, that could mean any sorts of things, and being me, I began to play, um fix. I discovered that the reason the picture does not display is that that is the equivalent of a “404, not found.” Rather like my head. I isolated the part of the code that was throwing the “404” error, and pasted that link into a new browser window. The picture you see up there is what came up, along with the “404” error. I made a note and emailed Jade. When the Magic Blog Fairy sets things a-right, it will be fixed. It wasn't the code; Jade sent me EARLIER a copy of the the book cover reveal she wished to be used in place of “404. Page Not Found." So, yeah, let's call it a "404-PEBCAK error. Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard.” I will honestly look for any pretext no matter how slight to get under the hood, when it comes to anything regarding systems, networking, applications and programming. Just keep the hardware away from me. I did make a copy and paste of the URL to get the image you see above; I would NEVER under any circumstances, touch anyone's code without their permission.

This is the scroll and serif of my viola, Wolf. Wolf was "born" in 1836, just 10 years after the death of Beethoven. I've had him since I was 19 and have never played another viola since, unless it was upon invitation of another player, who wanted to play Wolf. He was made by Guidantus Florenus and is of the Bolognese school of fiddle makers, not the Stradivari and Amati and Guarneri houses. At 15 7/8" which is small for a viola, he's got a huge sound. He was named by a luthier up in Royal Oak Michigan when I had work done on him. Nobody touches him but me, capisce? It's like computers, or workmen and their tools, ask first. I wouldn't have cared if it had been freakin' Jascha Heifitz; ask first.

It is axiomatic among musicians, computer engineers, writers, that OTHER PEOPLE KEEP THEIR GODDAMNED MITTS OFF MY STUFF! I came out of the ladies' room, during a break when I was in one of the nameless thousands of symphony orchestras I played in, to find a Russian woman, who had played in the first violin section of the Cleveland Orchestra, playing Wolf. I almost punched her in the eye. I don't get on other people's computers unless I've been given permission and only for repairs. I don't change what people write; that is the intellectual property of someone else. I certainly don't play other people's instruments, unless invited to do so.

The other reason, I must admit, is I am lazy and as per usual, it got hectic around here; when doesn't it? JC was supposed to have his wrist operated on for squamous cell cancer on Thursday, and the supplemental insurance company that provides the rides, never showed up. So, we have to reschedule that, which is so hard on him. He hates the waiting and is understandably frightened. He has a low pain threshold, but he wants it over with as well. We called 3 times, and no one ever showed up. I hate this. When did the world become so careless? After 7 weeks of wrangling with my psychiatrist's office, supplemental insurance office, pharmacy and drug-maker, I am finally back on my anti-depressant, Cymbalta, since Friday. I hope it works because, Damn! I am sick and tired of crying all the time over what seems to be nothing.

I understand that no one has a perfect life, that there are always bumps and stumbles and just plain driving off cliffs, intentionally or not. But there have been times recently, when just every stupid, malicious, mendacious and cowardly act has come back to haunt me. Is it because I've been depressed? Probably. Is it helping me now? Not one bit. Fuck guilt. At some point, after all the maudlin wallowing and all the mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa, you have to suck it up and get back up on that horse.

Yeah, I am so so sorry, I smoked for about 30 years, but I am not nearly as bad off as my mom. Could I have done things differently? Why even ask. Everyone has things they wish they hadn't done. What I have to do now, is to keep going. And that has been the biggest hurdle for me, over the last 1 and 1/2 years. Since I have my psychotic break, and had to deal with tremors and weird sensations, numbness, loss of sense of smell, drooling. I've been legally blind for almost 10 years now and I don't even count that a deficit anymore. It's the recent stuff. The stuff that's slippery and hard to define.

I have horrible problems with my sugar dropping quickly, precipitously and within 20 minutes, to the point of dementia. One night I was here blogging, and I looked at Gina Valley's smiling face and saw God. For real. I knew it was time for some OJ. I know how to keep it from dropping, but now it spikes high, higher than it ever has been. 335, 158, 150, 168. WTF? What do I do to counteract that? Eat salt? Buy a salt lick? A bit more sinister, my white blood cell count is high, not high enough to think leukemia, or non-Hodgkins lymphoma, but something else. Having worked in a teaching hospital 35 years ago gives one just enough knowledge to put me firmly in the trenches with all the other hypochondriacs.

Comparing my past blood tests with ABC blood test Company (highly researched) all of my -cytes and various -leukos and trilobytes are just a teeny hair off, until we run into eosiniphils. Oops. I guess I've spent wayyy too much time out of country. Of course, RBC is practically in the negative range, because, redheads are almost always anemic and I have fought that since forever. Scratching around in my chart, which is conveniently online (what asshole thought that was a good idea? Oh! I know! Someone who clearly has no idea about how computers and networking works, and that people like me exist) I also discovered that I carry the diagnosis: childhood failure to thrive.

That has got to be the single most depressing thing I've ever read about myself. Maybe that will teach people like me to keep my nose out of places it doesn't belong. It is true; I was a preemie, in the days that few survived, but not by much. I spent 2 weeks in an egg crate I guess, before my dad took me home, as my mother went back to work. He took me to class, the bar (where I learned to walk) and took good care for me. He was the ever-patient father. If I started to fuss and squawl during his studying, he just fired up the record player, either some Big Band stuff, or more likely, Beethoven and an-ever growing list of classical music from Johann Strauss to Tchaikovsky and Rachmaninov. A lot of you know the rest, so maybe I should just be damned glad I've had the life I've had, and shut up already. I've got the coolest friends on the planet, so, I know I still have lots to do yet. My bucket list is to visit these mega-talented people, in no particular order, ANDI-ROO, GINA VALLEY, AMBERR MEADOWS, AARON BRINKER, NEYSKA, CATERUSSELL-COLE, ALBERTA ROSS, ROBERT LEE HAYCOCK, Baking-in-a-Tornado, Sundae Rye, YumaBev, Nancy Cooper, Cyndee Bowen, That DJPARIS guy, (who has apparently been booted from some kind of men's support group--sounds like me) and a bunch of other people that I just can't think of right now. They are probably heaving a sigh of relief. A visit from me is like a visit from a batch of confused Mongols, only slightly more polite; emphasis on the slightly. Nancy is about the only one of this fine batch of folks who blog and write books for a living who does not have a blog, but she is a first-rate writer and a wonderful, dear friend.

Anyway, while I was tap-dancing through whatever that was, Jade and I were emailing back and forth madly (okay, it was one email and an answer.) She had already sent me a picture of PERFECTION UNLEASHED. I uploaded it and away it went! Her books are awesome. She is awesome! For the next week, starting tomorrow, to help Jade Kerrion celebrate and launch the release of the FOURTH book in her DOUBLE HELIX SERIES, I will be posting a couple of the interviews that she put together. One is with the author, Jade, and the other is with Zara Itani, one of the stars of the DOUBLE HELIX series.

When I read the interviews, I was originally asked to choose one, but was so taken with both, I asked Jade if I may run them both. She readily agreed and for more than one or two days. I hope you have as much fun reading them as I did, and don't hesitate to leave comments for her. All of her contact info is to the right of this post – I've “tailored,” (read mutilated) this template so many times, we're lucky to have words to read. You also have the chance to purchase her e-books .99 (discounted from 2.99.)

Congratulations and kudos are due Jade. She is a marvelous writer and a wonderful person and I wish her every success in her book launch and subsequent blog and book tours. 

HOMELESS CHRONICLES IN TAMPA - THE LIEBSTER AWARD 2013

The Liebster Award is a legitimate award, and until last year, had never heard of it. I was first nominated in 2012 by Aaron Brinker who runs @dadblunders and as I read of the history of the award, I realized this is a serious thing and an honor. It’s an award given by bloggers to other up and coming bloggers as a way to recognize and promote their blog. Liebster is a German word meaning dearest, sweetest and beloved. How wonderful to be nominated, once again! Thank you so very much to Maggie at expat.brazil. I am honored.



The Rules: seem slightly different on various blogs but in general are

1. List 11 facts about yourself.

2. Answer the 11 questions given to you.

3. Ask 11 new questions for the bloggers you nominate for the award.

4. Choose up to 11 up-and-coming blogs to nominate.

5. Go to each blogger’s page and let them know about the award.

6. Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog.

So step 1. 11 facts about me

1. I was a professional violist for close to 30 years. I switched from violin at the age of 16-ish. I occasionally played the violin on gigs for money. Only when all the other violinists within the tri-state area had left or died was I called upon to do so. I hate the violin, but then, I hate Mozart. I love Beethoven. I love all good music, in any genre.

2. I was a computer software support engineer at IBM for 3 years and Verizon for 7. I also worked for the Gastonia, NC police department in the same capacity and continued to play at the same time. It's called multi-tasking, or “insanity.” I got into this line of work, when my 2^nd husband a violist, discovered that I didn't magically become a _______ player and got jealous when I got hired to play for the Moody Blues and he didn't.

3. I am legally blind and have been for about 10 years now. I also have Parkinson's Disease, or non-Parkinson's Disease, THAT is the question. It's hard to diagnose.

4. I own a viola that was made 10 years after Beethoven died, in 1837. The viola was made in Bologne, Italy and is of the Bolognese school of fiddle-making. Like all fine instruments, “his” appraiser named him. His name is “Wolf.” He has a hell of a sound and is by my bed.

5. I was homeless for about 11 months and spent that time living in a homeless shelter and was very annoying to my fellow homeless shelter mates. That is how this blog came to be. After I received my Disability, I moved across the street. I still see some of the people I lived with and new homeless people.

6. I've been committed for mental illness. I am bipolar and have Asperger (we used to say, “doesn't play well with others.”) I also cry over stupid stuff and laugh at stuff I probably shouldn't. I have a mordant sense of humor. They have a label and pill for that. I call it questionable taste. Sheesh. There's a pill for everything now.

7. I love cats. Cats and computers just seem natural. We've a wonderful little cat who adopted us. We had her fixed, and I came up with the name of “Butterscotch,” which is not very original. JC fed her so much she got fat, so I started calling her “Butterball” and “Butterfat,” and JC said I hurt her feelings. So, she's Mama.

8. I played in Opera Tampa here for 12 seasons with Maestro Anton Coppola, Nic Cage's, Great Grand-uncle and Francis Ford's Great Uncle. It's a small world, because in Detroit, Carmine Coppola, played flute in the orchestra I played in. Maestro Anton wrote operas and conducted Italian opera with no score. He recently retired at 98. His most memorable quote to us? “Anyone can play German opera, it's just 1, 2, 3, 4, but Italian opera? Rubato, rubato, rubato, it's all goddamned rubato!” He was great to work for. I left the Opera in 2009, due to the fact I couldn't fake it anymore. He retired last year. Apparently, he couldn't fake it anymore, either.

9. I'm an only child and never had kids. But I taught generations of them on the violin (even while not enjoying playing it, I am very enthusiastic about music; a teacher's role is to inspire. We're all self-taught, according to one of my viola professors.)

10. I was married 3 times and lived with a man who was one of the most irresponsible people I have ever met. Shame on me. I met the man I know I will be with for the rest of my life in the homeless shelter. Think on this if you will. I was homeless, had had a drinking problem, but stopped. The man I met in the shelter had been in prison. What are the odds of something durable working out?

11. JC, the love of my life, has seen me through my committal for mental illness, several hospitalizations for my PD and congestive heart failure and has steadfastly been there for me. He's patient and loving. My 3^rd husband was out looking for a new girlfriend the minute I was hospitalized with congestive heart failure. I had actually sworn off men, but the time I was in the homeless shelter. God had other plans.

So, the 11 random questions I would like to know.

1. Favourite Writer and why? This is like asking me who my favourite composer is. I love so many different writers and genres. Let me compare it as to music; Beethoven is so monumentally joyous and full of life, even as his life was tragic. Mahler was the opposite. Even his so-called happy music had tragic undertones. James Thurber, whom I read at the age of 11 is just flat-out funny. Harlan Ellison is funny, but there is a seething rage beneath his humor that is black indeed. I am currently back on Stephen King, after having read excerpts from his book 11/22/63, I purchased “Under the Dome.” He is still one of the finest technically perfect writers I've ever read and his imagination is without peer. But gee whiz, it is hard to choose. Harlan Ellison is probably the finest short story writer ever, and that has got to be the hardest form to master. Great question, Maggie!

2. Who is your best friend and why? Without a doubt, JC, the best, most honorable and most decent man I've ever known. Ex-con, or not. Which is laughable. The United States justice system has much to answer for. JC lost everything. Had a horrible childhood, loveless marriages and tried and worked so hard to care for his family. He had to quit school to help a shiftless, no-good step-daddy run a pig farm. Shades of John Steinbeck and Tennessee Williams. JC says he's dumb and practically illiterate next to me. So what? Book-learning was an advantage and a gift. I was a prodigy, but I couldn't see into people's hearts. He can and he's taught me much. He's beyond price and I love him unreasonably. He's never known true happiness, until now. I told him my mission in life was to make him happy, or make him miserable trying.

3. The genie has granted you three wishes, what are they? Genie grants everyone the ability to reason, empathize and show compassion.

4. Which historical figures would you love to have dinner with ? Ludwig van Beethoven

5. What couldn’t you live without? My viola, Wolf

6. What do you do for fun? Play Runescape and annoy people in chat rooms.

7. Favourite Quote? “Animals grace us with their presence.”

8. If money was no object where would you live and why? I would roam. I found out recently, that we may not be where we thought we were from. “Wallace” of Sir William Braveheart blah blah fame we can claim, but “Wallace” means “foreign” or “alien” in old Welsh. There is some argument (I don't believe there is much evidence) for our origins prior to Glasgow being from around the Caucausus or the Black Sea. Maybe we were Scythians or Cossacks; maybe even Neptunians. Scythians were known for red hair, fair skin and blue eyes. At any rate, before I lost my site, I rambled all over the place, and it wasn't always work related. Our whole family was like that. You said “car,” and family members were known to get up off of their death beds for a road trip. I miss it.

9. What’s your secret pleasure? *looks around* I have been known to have apoplexy and hysteria over TSG (The Smoking Gun's) “The World's Dumbest ________ “ When the recipe includes grade Z celebs like Tonya Harding, Todd Bridges, Leif Garrett, Danny Bonaduce, Chuck Nice (which really is an appropriate last name for him) et al., and show the bottom of the gene pool video clips doing the stupidest things they can think of, and then comment and re-enact with cheesy cut-outs and even cheesier comments and the cheesiest CGI ever, I'm down with that. You see, I have the Siren-song-of-crap gene! And damned proud of it, too! And if they're not on, I'll laugh at my own stupidness. Like the time I followed myself on my own blog!

10. Who do you admire and why? I thought about this for a long time and I keep coming back to someone who has been on the public stage for most of the time I've spent on this planet. Muhammad Ali. The courage he showed when he stood up to the establishment and stated that he would not fight a war that he had no stake in really shook people up. I believe that for the first time, people really started to question what our government's goals were in Viet Nam. At this point, I was already hearing my father every morning bitch about what an asshole Robert MacNamara was; I was about 9 years old at the time. When the news came out that Ali had his license stripped, my very prescient father, who was a naturalized citizen, out of Glasgow and had fought in WWII and flown B-29s in Korea watching, said, “people are going to start rebelling against this war; it's a bad war.” He was right. As Ali has aged, and he is now dealing with PD himself, his foundations and charities have taken up causes he espoused. Brotherhood for all mankind.

11. What superpower would you like to have? Not invisibility; it didn't work so well for that guy in the X-files episode. I'll settle for that one where you wrinkle your nose and the house cleans itself and your food cooks itself. I know that was a witch power, but all I can come up with are those lame Saturn Lad powers, like the bouncing thing, or stop time, like Clock Boy. Lame

My 11 Random Questions

1. Describe which musical instrument your personality most closely resembles and why.

2. The last time you did anything idiotic in public (assuming you did; not everyone is me) were you embarrassed, or did you just shrug it off? Feel free to provide details. Or not.

3. Name one thing about yourself that would surprise people.

4. Favorite genre of music?

5. Cinnamon or peppermint?

6. What are you reading right now?

7. What was your favorite stuffed toy as a kid? What was his/her name?

8. Who is your favorite author?

9. Who is your muse?

10. If you were to come back to life as an animal, which animal would you be?

   11.  Who is your best friend and why?

Just for fun, I listed my fellow Liebster Nominees; please feel free to visit their blogs and see their responses to the questions I answered. They are probably MUCH more entertaining than I am; remember, I am the Straight Man to the World.

Michael at nouveauscarecrow

DL Shackleford at dlshackleford.com 

Kelly Hartog at kelliforniadreaming

Jen at jeneralinsanity  

Tracy Kuhn at volvodiaries

Bigger on the inside

Liz Blackmore at littleboxofbooks 

lachodrom1

chuckallen

Sonia Rao at soniaraowrites 

sohelpmecats

Vikki at the-view-outside 

Carolyn at carolynpaulbranch

myriteofpassage

Mary A to Z

spudsdailyphoto

Lucy at lucysreality

rsativus

Jo at henderson-jo.blogspot

playwrightchick

haleyscomic

gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

wanderboomer

And now, for my 11 choices. These are all based on blogs that have changed me in some way, given me new insight into ways we relate with one another, ideals to strive for, inspiration for when I was just so damned low and just plain funny blogs. These are also in no particular order, either. Again, Maggie, thank you so much. You rock!

1. Tim Peacock @ http://www.peacock-panache.com/

2. Andi-Roo @ http://www.theworld4realz.com/

3. Gina Valley @ http://ginavalley.com/

4. Kristen Dyrr @ http://kristenhead.blogspot.com/

5. Aaron Brinker @ http://www.dadblunders.com/

6. Amberr Meadows @ http://www.amberrisme.com/

7. MBOK @ http://mybrainonkids.net/

8. Lynnette Conroy @ http://rantravewrite.com/author/rantravewrite/

9. Lottie Nevin @ http://lottienevin.com/

10. Intricate Knot @ http://intricateknot.wordpress.com/

11. Alberta Ross @ http://www.albertaross.co.uk/

12. YumaBev @ http://parkinsonshumor.blogspot.com/ * Yes, I picked a 12th. I know it's a rule-breaker, but Bev is special to us all. She's a winner at life and after having DBS (deep brain stimulation) for her PD this year, she is TODAY having surgery for breast cancer. Please pray to Zeus or Allah or God or whomever you pray to for her!

I probably chose some people who have more established blogs, and more followers and I didn't get to list as many blogs as I would so much love to be able to do. I don't want to make this post any longer than I already have, but a funny thing happened on my way to disaster and my subsequent U-turn. I learned how to live again, with meaning this time. You all helped and I thank you.

BLOGGING CHALLENGE FROM A TO Z APRIL 2013 – LETTER “P”

PARKINSON'S DISEASE

I have talked about the fact that this is Parkinson's Disease Awareness Month, as well as the Blogging Challenge from A to Z month. What I haven't talked about is the advancement of and discovery of my own manifestations of this complex, progress and elusive disease. It's different for everyone in the way it develops and how we choose to react to it. Simply put, Parkinson's Disease is a condition where your brain ceases or slows it's production of Levadopa, a sort of "governor" endocrine chemical that regulates several of your autonomic bodily functions. Without it, weird things happen.

Well, not quite this weird. I thought I was taking a picture of the cat in the next room. This is the stove. It's fun being legally blind, or bland as my "friends" tell me. One of them said I had a future in Paranormal TV.

Depression and other mental aberrations are a frequent companion, as well as the physical symptoms. I have more trouble with tremors and later in the day, in my hands and my head and neck than any other part of my body. I do have dystonia (fancy-shmancy for cramps) in my feet when I sleep and have horrific sleep disturbances and pain in my shoulders, chest, neck and back. The pain is atypical from normal aches and pain of aging and often mimics heart attack or stroke. The back pain is not at all typical and is a deep throbbing, almost to the beat of my heart and so deep that it can become incapacitating. I have had most of these symptoms going back for the last 15 or 20 years, which would put me in the category of young-onset. They were never constant and months would pass without any symptoms at all. I did not have tremors until last March.

 

This is the cat and JC. You can see 2 white feet and also tell we're slobs about bed-making.

A little history is necessary here. I was homeless from September, 2010 until August 2011. I spent 2 months in the hospital, taken from my then-house in a domestic. I had to learn to walk again. Lots of stupid on my part, but I learned and learned for good. I have a great life now. I was already legally blind and had been since 2004. Anyway, after all the trauma and an admission that yes, I was clinically depressed, I started treatment. I received my full Disability based on my hospitalization, after 5 months, a highly unusual move by the SSA.

So, after all the trauma and drama and blah blah, I moved out of my homeless shelter. That's actually how this blog started; with my Homeless Tales, but, my sweetie and I got moved and life was good. Until February of 2012, when for some odd reason, I started being just hyper. All the time. I couldn't slow down, I couldn't sleep. At all. I don't think I slept for maybe 1 night out of 8. I was doing ridiculous things like solving quadratic equations, blogging, gaming and watching “X-Files” all at the same time. I had always multi-tasked, but this was ridiculous.

This is the cat through my fancy lamp. I give up.

At some point, I slipped and I don't remember a thing. Just huge hunks of time are gone. The next thing I do remember, is being in the Mental Ward of St. Joseph's Hospital and I had an attendant. I was not restrained. Pretty soon, a psychiatrist came in, and asked me “What were you trying to do? Kill yourself?” I said, “No, but I couldn't sleep.” I had been out of sleeping pills and taken a bunch of benadryl, according to JC and I believe him. The doctor talked to me for a few more minutes, and he decided then and there to lift the Baker Act. He was nice and visited me a few more times. I noticed then, that I was having some tingling in both hands and the psychiatrist brought in a neurologist to look at them. I have very strong hands and there was no weakness in either of them. So, they kept me for a few more days and sent me home. My own psychiatrist tested me and said I was bipolar, which I know now to be true, although at the time, I thought, WTH?

Medication helps that. But, that psychotic break was a point in time for me. Pre-psychotic break, I did not display overt Parkinson's symptoms. Post-psychotic break, I do. The tremors started, very faintly at first, a week after my hospitalization, and have only worsened. Having this has made me dig into the literature and watch a lot of really horrible videos on YouTube, with boring doctors from the 60s, wearing giant suits from Robert Hall and huge black, plastic-rimmed glasses. But the information is sound, if you can stay awake through their lectures..

Nobody has the same PD. We all have designer PD. My friend Jim Adams and his wife Penny who run the P.A.N.D.A. foundation for Parkinson's have similar symptoms, but others are present as well that I don't have. My symptoms have tremendous psychological overtones. I have periods of dementia and have learned how to deal with them and overcome them. They are usually brought on by a precipitous drop in my sugar, although, I am not diabetic.The great thing is, I remember them now. Actually, to me? The hilarious thing is this; I'm legally blind. Before all of this, I had trouble getting the mascara wand back into the tube. Now, it's like a midway carny game. Some days I can't comb my hair. Not that it's an improvement anyway. Now, instead of being 15 minutes in front of, or behind my next or last stupidity or gaffe, it's more like 7 minutes. When I'm in Chat rooms, I tell everyone to get out their Mary decoder rings and live with it, 'cause I ain't fixin' no typos. And it's great for those nights when I don't want to cook, which is happening more and more frequently. “Honey? Do you mind cooking?” “No dear. Here's a nice bowl of Cheerios and water.”

It is what it is. I love life and this is just another speed bump. I have to think back to when I first was blind. I was incredibly angry and frustrated. This hasn't been so bad. There are times I get down. I had an incredibly dark period, not so long ago, but it always passes. Time will fix it. As Stephen Frye says, it's the only way to approach a bipolar condition. That can be applied to anything. The choice is up to us. My fabulous friend YumaBev, who writes "Parkinson's Humor" is one of the most singular upbeat, terrific people I know. Her life has been one of tragedy and heartbreak. She recently had DBS, which is short for Deep Brain Stimulation, to help curb her symptoms. Like most brain surgeries, you have to be awake. That right there is reason for me to NOT have that particular procedure. If you are going to be poking around in my noggin, I want to be stone-cold out. "To each his own," said the pig as he kissed the cow. Anyway, Bev blogged about it and she was scheming trying to figure out a way to live-blog her surgery. It was pretty hilarious. But, that's Bev, one of my true joys and inspirations in a world that has few.

This is pretty much how Bev always rolls! My hero!

BLOGGING FROM A TO Z APRIL 2013 – LETTER “J” and “K”

                                                                           

JERK

JUST KIDDING (PARKINSON'S DISEASE AWARENESS MONTH IS APRIL)

Actually, at some point, I knew I would be laid up and unable to sit in front of a computer. Rather than ask for permission, I followed the advice of the late, esteemed Admiral Grace Hopper, who said, “Do it now, ask forgiveness later.” So, that's what I'm doing. Doing 2 letters at once, and asking forgiveness. Yesterday, when I woke up, I had some of the most excruciating pain on the left side of my neck and jaw. I went to bed with it on Wednesday night. Really a big no-no.

Since this is Parkinson's Disease Awareness month, a little lesson on what can happen when people with the disease sleeps. We don't always experience symptoms, one is a tendency to “freeze” in one position and there is no changing of positions, nothing. Dead to the world we are. But, if we don't sleep frozen, we tend to have sleep disturbances, which are stupid. Once, I couldn't figure out how my significant other took a dowel, pushed my right big toe up, so that my knee hit me in the chin and woke me up and then, got all the way down the block to buy a newspaper. Beats me.

 So I awoke on Thursday morning in the exact same position I had gone to sleep in and in worse pain then when I went to bed. I got up with every intention of writing my Thursday posts, sat in my blogging chair for ½ hour and went back to bed. The pain was that bad and I have a high pain threshold. So much for Thursday.

I feel better today, but I did manage to aspirate something, so now I'm coughing like a tuberculosis patient. One of the things about Parkinson's patients, is I think it tends to make us secretive. I don't like to eat in public. I'm legally blind, so people are already rather wary of me with the dark glasses and cane. That I am used to. But I was in a grocery store the other day that I normally don't shop at, and the deli clerk was trying to get me to taste the roast beef and cheese I was ordering. I kept saying, “no, that's okay.” She finally said, “Are we shy?” I let her believe this is so, and nibbled on some beef and cheese. She was a very nice lady and drew me out of my public shell.

My friend who was with me, helped eat our unexpected treasure. But holy Hell, it's like a pig at a trough sometimes and don't give me a fork, or if you do, get yourself an umbrella and a lobster bib. I'll eat with friends, they understand and enjoy the impromptu leftovers I fling their way.

All kidding aside, and there's lots of kidding in the world of Parkinson's, just ask YumaBev and countless others. I have the strength of 10 men, but no depth perception. I did the clean-and-jerk with 3 cases of water. The 3^rd one, sailed over the top of my cart and landed somewhere over by the meat department. Oops. A quick retrieval and apologies all around.

The one advantage I have is that with my blind cane and glasses, if I'm having a really bad day with the tremors, people don't accuse me of being drunk. I hear horror stories which is beyond sad. I myself am guilty of thinking just that in the case of Dudley Moore, who had a PhD in Piano Performance and I heard him play as a young man. Brilliant he was, tearing through Gershwin's “Concerto in F” one of my favorite pieces and a challenge, not just for the soloist, but also the orchestra.

He had this whole other career, as well as being a comedian.

Later on in his life, when it all was going wrong, he was accused of being a drunken sot. He wasn't; he suffered from a supranuclear braindisorder, which was progressive and degenerative and mimicked the symptoms of alcoholism, similar to Parkinson's. When he died, it was from pneumonia, a secondary symptom to the palsy that left him immobile. A cruel fate, indeed. I was one of those who tsked, tsked. Shame on me.

Found here, at the National Parkinson's Disease website, the Book, "Mind, Mood and Memory cites that 40% of Parkinson's and anyone who has a neuromuscular disorder suffers from mental illness. Prior to my psychotic break last year and the over manifestation of my Parkinson's symptoms (although I have had subtle symptoms for at least 15 years) I was your garden-variety undifferentiated depression, DSM 311 and a very high level functioning Asperger (probably some autism in there, but so what?) After the psychotic break, my tremors started and have increased rapidly, along with lovely drooling, freezing, thousand-yard stare and other weirdness.

Way cooler than Monty. I always wanted to drive a tank!

My Parkinson's is no one else's. According to the publication, "Mind, Mood and Memory," also tells us, that fully 35% of Parkinson's patients never get tremors at all. I believe that my Parkinson's manifests itself mainly in the psychological aspects. This is all guess work and comparing life before the psychosis to life after. I do get dementia, which I never had before. I believe my mother had it as well. I am starting a study at USF, the Center of Excellence so designated by the National Parkinson's Foundation on June 6, 2013. I guess I get to be General Eisenhower on this D-Day. I didn't want to be Field Marshal Montgomery (eww!) and damn it! Wouldn't you know, Field Marshal Rommel is already taken. That's one popular dude!

  

#ROW80 1ST QTR POST 8 – WEDNESDAY CHECK IN, OR WHEN IS A POST NOT A POST?

I’m just leaving it at that. I always try to come up with some really snazzy title to fit the topic, or so I tell myself. I do so enjoy quality, however I enjoy laziness more, and if a great title doesn’t hit in a fit of lightning? (a fit of metaphor? ugh) then, I go with generic.

Thanks and kudos to Amy Kennedy. Until yesterday, in my confuse-a-what style, I was unaware that she was one of our ROW80 sponsors, this go round; for that she deserves a huge WOT? and her favorite brand of treat many times over, along with Alberta Ross, who is snow-bound in Hell somewhere. We must save her! Treats for her, as well as my thanks.  I must also inform Amy that I flunked Primary Numbers Class along with Ancient Times; I haven’t been around since 2^nd Quarter 2012 Row80, but 3^rd Quarter.

Anyway, I’ve stated this before. I have enough written material from my life and times to publish an individual e-book, or indie? Whatever the terminology may be. I haven’t been word-wrangling for very long (gee, how could anyone tell?) and everyone has been amazingly wonderful. I thought writers would be rather like (looks around and breaks into a whisper) “professional musicians.” They can be terrible to one another and breaking into different geographical markets is almost impossible, unless you’re really determined. Anyway, I’m “retired,” by disability and need to have something to do to stay out of jail.

So, I landed here! Andi-Roo at the TheWorld4Realz suggested this to me. I was writing but was totally unfocused (not that I’m really any more so, now, but I’m a better writer) and wasn’t sure where, or what to do, from where I was then. She and I have a solid connection and have understood one another from our beginning exchanges and she suggested that I hop over to this “Round of Words in 80 Days.” I did and here we are!

I’m happy to be here and thanks to all you! I’ve driven several people to distraction: Kait Nolan and Sonia G. Medeiros, to name two. Since I don’t see well at all, I miss lots of details. Like James Thurber, I just put my own “legally blind” (or bland) interpretation on it. Per James, it “only enriches the confusion.” Be warned, I love confusion and find it hilarious and if I get to be too big a pain in the ass, tell me to knock it off!

I do know that I am probably not a fiction writer, nor do I believe that I have a novel in me anywhere. Maybe I just haven’t figured out those processes yet. I wrote a stunning 1673 words in NaNoWriMo, which turned into my NaNoWriLe and now, the website is nagging me, no, they’re playing to my sense of shame, like I abandoned some baby animal or some kind of step-headed bald child. Oops, I just started thinking about the post I’m doing tomorrow for P.A.N.D.A, with my "Parkinson's Disease or non-Parkinson's Disease, THAT is the question" *eye roll.* 

Now, with extra confuse-a-what. Thursday will be like Wacky Wednesday, only Bicycle. And more Lincoln-Tigers. 

That’s http://www.parkingsonpanda.org. So, I’ma going to be busy, tomorrow but back here on Friday, right @YumaBev?