Wednesday, October 3, 2012


The bad news, I didn’t get any of the loot. To be honest, I didn’t really care. First off, getting me anywhere in a group is a major accomplishment. No, I didn’t finish “Eadgar’s Ruse” quest. I didn’t find this out until I tried to use 2 fire runes and 2 law runes and went precisely no where. 3 of our gang of 5 had already left and were up there ketting there kill count. I suspect they were off looking at troll porn or reading “50 Shades of Guthix” or watching the S. F. Giants tear up the L. A. Dodgers, (Congratulations, Steve!) but they certainly weren’t reading or watching the “50 Fails of ViolaFury” either.

So, when I logged into  Runescape after having baked some salmon and sautéed fresh mushrooms and made corn on the cob and drenched butter and capers and lemon on the salmon, and butter on the rest, I was pretty much not at my brightest, so from ½ a loaf to ¼ a loaf, perfect mindset for creating death and destruction on Runescape, especially my own.

I start the action, when asked what my setup is. I said, “bronze scimitar and goblin armor.” My friend Killa C9 says, “be a hero and use a bronze mace.” I riposte back “Fuck that. I’m going grow a big set of hairies and go for the bronze dagger.” I know I’m home. Believe it or not, we're not 13-year old boys. We're all adults. Some of us are middle-aged women, who are degreed and... never mind.

Combat lvl121

Just to show how truly stone badass we all are, we’ve got these Bau5 names: Nero Sama, who was last known as Hellson23 (See: Witness Protection Program) Damnation Day, (who is more badass in real life as "Bryan," and lives across the bay in from me) Killa C9, (aka who we don’t ask his real name; I think, he’d have to kill us, he’s Military) and Sergio Romo (aka BMNP, aka Steve, aka the biggest Giants fan ever.) Steve IS his real name, I know. What a shock. 

Why he picked "Sergio Romo" I don't know. I know why he picked BMNP and I was all "ewwww." I don't want to know about "Sergio Romo." And me. I’ve always been Viola or Mary, for the love of the former and I can still remember my name. I will always be that. I have trouble with my own one reality. I don’t need 12 or 249 of them.

So, Nero is the one who is really pro at this GWD stuff. The big bad Dude, Kahuna, Nex or whatever is supposedly really bad and he knows what to do to kill it and not get killed. I’m here with some idealized LOTR bullshit that we’re all going to have this merry little jaunt and fight many orcians or what-have-yous, and share our lives and wonder what it’s all about. I have not one clue why I take off into this EPIC MOVIE MODE now and then, at the most peculiar times. Probably because I’m mentally ill. I know who these people are. They’re my friends; if we were to be a movie, it might be more “From Dusk Til Dawn” only we’re all George Clooney Yeah, right. Everyone’s a smart ass.

Except poor Nero thought I needed help, so he proceeded to give me about 50 times the amount of stuff I could possibly carry. I had a battle tortoise and a couple extras and the poor things kept dying, because I did forget summon pots and we had to walk. The reason we had to walk is because ViolaFury for all her Bau5-ness is just as blind in RS as she is irl and she can’t finish Eadgar’s Ruse or any quest where there is a maze, so Viola walks. Between Nero and Viola, there were easily 100 million gold pieces just in armor and weapons on our little bodies alone, but, actual money? I had 5, Nero had bupkus, 0. So we couldn’t buy climbing boots. We tried killing the woman who sold the boot’s chickens, but they just drop bones and fur, no coins; shit. Still undaunted, we proceeded to punch our way north through those fucking throwing trolls until I got to 3 rocks, skinned my knee and said “Ow.” We couldn’t climb those rocks without climbing boots.

Nero said, “I can’t fucking believe this.” The other 3 hobbitses, er, our "friends" had long ago run on up ahead to the dungeon and were merrily killing zammy meanies that you have to kill prior to getting into the Big Guy, or Guys as it turned out. So much for the road trip. They were saying things like: 

Damnation: “Yeah, ya have to wait for Viola, ‘cause she’s like… 90!!! Do you have your holy-blessed walker?” Asshole. 

Sergio: “Hurry up, before they release the next game update!” 

Damnation: “Happy New Year! I can’t believe it’s 2027!!!” 

Killa: “I wonder if summoning creatures go to summon heaven or hell when they die, or are they just napping?” 

I’m waiting at the skinned-my-knee place, while Nero runs south and gets boots out of his bank. Like me, he probably has 50 billion pair. He was able to run back and trade me a pair. I put them on and my yak dies. Shit. I summon a new one, pick up all the shit the dead one dropped. Some asshole bystander calls me “noob,” (30% rule still in play*) Off we go.

We run north into the freezing cold. My energy drops to zero. All you can really do is rest. Nero is staying with me. He tells me to rest. Killa is down below in the main dungeon. He says “Stay away from the Gorak, right?” Nero: ”Yes, they something something something” I couldn’t see what he said. I was up and down the hole and it was confusing, so many people running around.

This is the 1st dungeon 

I got my 40 kills and we crossed the bridge to the big boss’ room. I was really thrown off at first. I used to go to King Black Dragon at least once a week and got the majority of the kills. It’s been years since I did anything like this and I died immediately the last time I came here. I kind of hung back. By the second spawn, I remembered who I am and how to do this and warmed up to it. I didn’t die, but damn! I came close. At one point, I was down to 83 less than 10% of my health. Poor Killa did die, so he must be avenged! We shall prevail! Oh yeah the “something something something?” They all have personality disorders. The monsters. With our old crew from SpiritZ, it’s a given.

Nex: She/he was a Pain In The Ass...
Combat lvl 1001

Post a Comment