Friday, June 17, 2011

More Front Porch Drivel and My Half-assed Views on Stuff and Things...

I haven't been around for a bit, because (1) it's  hotter than hell here in Tampa, and (2) my new hobby as a professional patient has kicked up a notch. Nothing like going in to get one thing fixed and the Doc finds 40 more cans of previously un-opened worms. Yay. Enough of the drama.

Well, Mr. C has been at it again. My wonderful friend H had a run in with him recently. We're all still recovering from the encounter. H is one of my favorite people of all time. She is without doubt, one of the funniest, most hilariously mordant people I have ever met. She has a razor-sharp sense of the absurd and appreciates idiocies and idiots of all kinds. This whole thing started one night, when we were all sitting on the front porch, playing dice or Uno or Whist or something. Maybe it was Euchre. Well, Mr. C was in the kitchen, "cleaning" his dishes. This consisted of him rinsing them, and trying to stuff them in the dishwasher. The only problem; the dishwasher is almost through the rinse cycle and his dishes are dirty. H was sitting closest to the open window on the porch. The following conversation went like this:

H: Those dishes are clean. Don't put your dirty dishes in there.

Mr. C: (grunt) mumble, mumble... (clatter dishes around to distract H)

H: Ya dumbass; don't put your dirty dishes in with the clean dishes. Dumbass.

Mr. C: mumble, mumble... (proceeds to take Dishwasher detergent and pour it into the empty Dawn Dish Detergent bottle. Uses up all of Dishwasher detergent trying to clean dishes with dish rag)

H: Dumbass; that's for the Dishwashing machine, ya dumbass. You don't wash the dishes manually with that soap. Dumbass.

And so on...

Well, we ended up having to use shampoo to wash our own dishes until we could buy new "house" cleaning-type stuff. But I digress.

A few nights later, H was cooking dinner for several of us (we take turns with chores) and was finishing up the supper. Mr. C came into the kitchen and wanted to cook. The kitchen is small and there is very limited counter space. H had taken up most of the counter, but was finishing up and starting to put things away. Well, this wasn't immediate enough for Mr. C. He apparently was King or Grand Poo-Bah or Head Tamale or Top Banana in Cameroon and expects to be obeyed IMMEDIATELY. So, he says to H, "I wish for counter space." H looks at him, and says, "Bite me." Mr. C. looks rather befuddled and says, "I do not wish to bite  you; I wish for counter space." Mirth and hilarity ensued.

This, in a roundabout, diverting way illuminates something I have learned about myself fairly recently. Without getting saccharine, preachy and all that kind of "life's lessons learned" nonsense, I realize that I really have come to appreciate and enjoy what I have, as little as it may seem to someone else. I've had more peaceful surroundings and much more material wealth, but I was either unhappy, or ill and I never took the time to really enjoy and appreciate all the other people and things around me. Yeah, I know, boring truisms, but there it is.

All anyone needs to do is look at what is a partial list of blogs that I follow, to get a sense of what I appreciate and value in life. Heh.

Coming next: GAME SHOW, WORST I.D. CONTEST, and FEATURED RECIPE OF THE WEEK!!! only found here at Homelesschroniclesintampa.
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